what's going on?
surely everyone i know would ask me this if ever they bumped into me in a mall or somewhere else.
so, what's up with me?
what's up with you pare?
i live a monotonous life.
i wake up, get my coffee fix, wait for the company shuttle, get another fix, work, patrol the floor, do errands, get take out lucnh, smoke on breaks, go home.
i am tired. i am bored.
as much as i try to escape monotony, i just can't do it right now... sometimes i hope i could just leave everything behind and try to live a "normal" life. or study again (abroad this time). or go on a long vacation. which i know i cant. im trapped in this kind of life. having nights out with old friends is a luxury i indulge every now and then. i don't miss my past life. i just dow't want everything to be serious.
but now, i face everything on my own. sure, i have my officemates and some bloggers chatting with me online, but i cant burden them with my troubles. i can whine. but i can not explode.
i look into the future, and i get scared. what will i be in the next five years? where will i live? where am i working? who will be my new friends? will i be fat? will i be studying by then? who will be my partner? have i paid credit card bill in full at that time? will i still be with my marlboro menthol lights?
everything is unsure. all depends on how i would see things in time. and that's what's scary.
if someone asked me if i were happy, it would take me as much as a minute before i could reply. right now, i dont know if i am. i guess i'm just... coping. adapting with the change. doing the same things everyday is making my mind numb. And dumb. Lately, no one has ever told me i was smart. or that i talk sense. Jay even told me flat out that i'm getting fat. harsh! at least he's honest. hahahaha... i love a bit of humor every now and then.
anyone can predict my day. i cant complain. i chose this life. i could've done something else. i could've chose to go the other way. like the philip-morris job last year. or take that unilever interview last january. but i didnt.
in retrospect, my life before was unplanned. everything was spontaneous. everything was crazy.
i need a shot of vodka.