It's like you get this picture in your head of the way things should be, and you end up closing yourself off to some of the wonder and serendipity of the actual experience.
It's like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on. You can't breathe, you don't want to eat, you can't function. You're useless. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you know its yours for life